there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
