I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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