you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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