Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
