I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
