I can't watch pbs sober anymore
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
