Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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