Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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