that's an acceptable place to lick
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
