i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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