Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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