I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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