I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
