Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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