At least make sure they are 18
Why
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
