I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
