Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
