I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
