mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Are we still banned from the library?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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