"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
