Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I am available for nakedness
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
