The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
