Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
