I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
