He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
