He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
