so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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