My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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