this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Randomize
