just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
