she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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