weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
