Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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