I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
