So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Woke up backwards on a recliner
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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