he shaved USA in his pubs
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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