I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
so let's talk penis.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
