the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
