someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
