Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
