I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
