I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
