I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Randomize
