i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
