That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Let's paint friendship bongs
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
