Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
