i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
