guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
