the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
dude. I can hear the air.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
