Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Randomize
