I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
