Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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