you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
