Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I skipped work to stalk him.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
