I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
