People with herpes should wear stickers.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
