Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
not ubering you a puppy
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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