Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
