Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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