I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
